Paul Anders (9 September 2003)

On Saturday night, I had possibly my worst ever experience in a restaurant in London, or anywhere else for that matter. What was particularly disappointing was that I was with a friend who was planning to go overseas for a year or so, and that I was hoping that the meal would be at least memorable, which I suppose it was after a fashion.

To start with, after being ignored for a few minutes as we waited to be seated, we were finally shown to a table and then ignored for a further 30 minutes. Having eventually ordered wine, we were amazed to find that the waiter did not have a corkscrew. As I had been to a picnic on the Heath earlier, I happened to have one on me, which the waiter than asked if he could borrow for the rest of the evening!

The food, when finally we were permitted to order, was ferociously expensive and took another hour to arrive. I ordered a fillet steak, medium rare, and received instead what appears to have been a lump of charcoal, although it may possibly have come from a cow at some point. My companion ordered chicken schnitzel, and instead got a Ninja throwing star (I think). We ordered side dishes of chips and mixed vegetables and inexplicably were given a bowl of mashed potato instead. My comment that I hadn't asked for my steak to be incinerated, merely cooked led to the waiter prodding around inside it to see if was as bad as it looked on the outside, which it clearly was.

Having been there for two hours, had a pleasant (but highly marked-up) bottle of wine, inedible food and having been deafened by the screeches of a harpie singing directly behind our table, we thought it better to cut our losses, pay for the wine and leave immediately rather than to try to salvage anything at the restaurant. If we had paid for the whole meal (and service charge) the price would have been in the region of £80. As it was I still paid £30, and felt as if I had just been mugged.

I cannot speak too lowly of this place, particularly as I ate there so